virtual reality

a few days ago, i received the scariest facebook message of my life - it was a marriage proposal. not like marriage totally and completely freaks me out, but it does when the proposal is over 4 pages long, sent from a guy i've never met, and includes a request to fly out to a remote island and get married. the end result, as he suggested, included living with his parents, sex at least 4 times a week, and many many children.

while devoting my life to this obvious winner sounded like a dream come true, i made the ever-so-difficult decision (no, not really) to report him to the facebook police and block him for eternity, which is ironic given that he's apparently some kind of policeman in his respective city. and did i mention he hates gays? yeah, i know - we're totally compatible. and while i half joke about it, the other half of me is honestly freaked out that real-life borat here is already looking for me, google-ing my name away and making love to my facebook picture. thank god he so wisely mentioned that he's got no money - i don't think he'll be showing up at my manhattan office just yet. goddamn gold diggers.

the bigger question here is how much of this shit i'm supposed to put up with. this is not the first and only creepy request i've ever gotten. last week i got a message from some dude who told me i was "blooming like a flower" and "looked real fresh." then he advised me not to lie, to stick with my hobbies, and ended his message by asking me "can i kiss you goodnight?" no fucker. you can't. block block permablock. what the f?! who are you people?!

now i recognize people are lonely - everyone needs friends. and for those people who are new to a city and looking for something to do, i get it. resorting to facebook out of desperation is still something i'm willing to understand. but how out of touch with reality do you have to be to think that i am going to want a scary stalker? it's facebook, not letshavesex.com or a mail-order bride website. WRONG VENUE, crazy.

but let's keep it real - crazy comes in all forms. you don't have to just send creepy messages. no, some guys just add random women as friends. now, correct me if i'm wrong, but when i was growing up, i wasn't friends with someone until i actually had an interaction with them, so when i get an email from mark zuckerberg asking me to confirm that i am, in fact, friends with *insert i-don't-know-who-the-hell-you-are*, don't be surprised when i deny you, loser. and for every long-lost chum who reaches out to me on facebook (hi. hello. in all seriousness, it's nice to hear from you!), there's a guy who made fun of me on a weekly basis through the whole of sixth grade but now wants to be my friend; or the crazy person who was fun in college but is now kind of sad; or the nagging unfortunate acquaintance who i'd cross the street to avoid but who now wants to know, "am i your friend?" yes or no, this instant, please.

all-in-all, i love facebook. i'm a lawyer - i have to. i spend hours in front of the 'puter writing briefs and memos and shit that only judges and academics read. as a remedy, facebook provides hours of entertainment, and quite frankly, does a damn good job of keeping me connected to and updated on my friends and yes, even acquaintances. but that's it. in this respect, i remain a conventionalist.

sorry, weirdos. but if i want a kiss goodnight, it ain't that hard to find one in real life.

big cigars, strong martinis, fantastic friends

above: my summer in d.c., basically.

BE A MAN.

GOD project runway was SO good tonight!
and i watched 6 episodes of 24 at last friday's aajc slumber party. WOWOWOWOW.
oh, devil wears prada was sweet too.

hm... i'm gonna miss my roommates maria and andrea, and graden too. he's honorary. a fun roommate's boyfriend indeed. sad...

i'm kind of on overload right now. i don't want to leave. not to be too real, but i kind of hate where my life is right now and d.c. is seriously keeping me afloat. i'm worried that when i leave, i'm gonna hit a wall and want to quit. quit what? i don't know. just quit. quit period. quit ___. quit. ...back to life. back to school. back to having to deal with life and school. ugh.

i think perhaps for the first time in my life, i don't want to move forward. what an awful thing. gosh i loathe that.

this post just got depressing. dammit. better luck tomorrow-

i think flowers are nice. i think chocolate is stupid, but i think flowers are nice. and not just your traditional red roses - i'm not talking about those (though red roses are still nice). yellow roses - now those are nice. they're cheerful. they say, "i love you, but you know, i also like you too. we're friends and that's neat." now isn't that... nice?

and daisies. can we just talk about daisies for a second. why are they so underrated? now i know i don't speak for all women, but personally, i think daisies from any man is just a happy, friendly gesture. they're so bright and smiley. your lady-friend is sick. you bring her daisies. poof! smiles all around. and i think if you get a girlfriend some daisies and she doesn't like them, and she's like, "what are these? daisies?" then she's really just kind of... well, she's just... not so nice. and you're obviously nice because you got her daisies. so, nice guy + not nice girl gives you what? - zero. it's like an equation. you knock each other out. i'm just sayin, men be careful of chicks that don't like your daisies.

literally, not figuratively. gosh.

the more i see, the less i grow. the fewer the seeds, the more i sew.

it is a wonderful thing to have an ally in your friends every once in a while - someone who'll stick up for you when others do shitty things. for some reason though - and i speak from experience - friends often act as bystanders, letting us battle it out on our own. what's worse is the fact that they feel no sense of responsibility to do anything. they do not speak up. they do not protest. they play both sides.

i hate this. i realize that "taking sides" is uncomfortable, but what is friendship if you can't make a difficult decision? by saying or doing nothing, by not "taking sides," we support the wrongs that have been committed against those we so easily proclaim to love when things are good. seems as though everyone's afraid of offending someone in the process.

i guess i just think it's strange, you know, that it's so hard to be a friend to... your friends.

enjoy the silence

Time. Distance. Change. Sometimes I think I'm so stuck on the warm fuzziness of the past that I can't see what is evidently true in the present. Talk without understanding; silence without contemplation... It's worse than walls and barriers between people - it's empty space.

I am feeling uneasy.

music makes the people come together

there is something magical about being in the presence of individuals who can create beautiful music with their voices. i have to admit, nothing is more impressive than a truly remarkable voice... art and dance are both amazing forms of expression, but there is something unique in having the ability to experience sound - in knowing that you can close your eyes and sit still, yet feel as though you are moving. there is nothing i would rather do than be in the company of someone who could make me feel that way.

i often forget how talented my friends are, especially the greenies. we sing and sing and yet, i feel as though i rarely hear all of their voices - you join the group, you become part of the whole. that's the way teams and clubs and groups work. even with solos, i never feel satisfied in thinking i know any of their voices.

i was in bed not feeling my best last night when they came back from pizza house and congregated in my room. somehow, sometime into the night, the lights in my room went off, the sex lights went on, and the pack of regular kids in my room turned into the most talented people i've had the opportunity to know. one by one, each greenie took his/her turn singing a song of choice, and i can't even begin to explain how impressed i was, sitting there with the most talented group of people on campus hands down.

i can't believe i am a part of this family. i love my greenies.

good day. here's why: cleaned house. cleaned room. wrote song. sang song. ate grapes. lsat(ed). distractions abound. read book. danced in my room. finding nemo. anju. danny. ash. warm fuzzy feelings. friends.

good few days. here's some more reasons why: ice cream. grass stains. falling asleep in the sun. calls from mom. the arb. children at the park. vitamin water. long talks with chris. not sleeping. not studying. house dinners with house parents. friendly visitors. endless postcards from spain. house picnic. softball. frisbee. boobquet. linen pants. baby duckies. recording. shooting stars. running. thinking. playing. smiling. laughing. being.

neat. =)