spamalot

it's hopeless. i sit down, turn on the computer screen, and anxiously watch the monitor brighten into an array of 256 colors. as i open my email and click on the "new mail" button i know in my heart that only one of the 70 emails i get every day will be of any substance. why? because i am a victim of spam.

unsolicited email, AKA spam, is about as annoying as hootie and the blowfish, and quite frankly, at this point i think i'd rather listen to them for an entire day than receive any more junk mail. i mean seriously. why the hell do i get mail from lonely house wives, viagra, and companies that want me to consolidate my bills? nothing could be less applicable to my life. what's even sadder is that while my junk mail grows exponentially, my daily delivery of real, meaningful mail has been decreasing. i think i died outside in the real world and the only people that can see me can also see dead people. ew. i write emails hoping for some sort of response but to no avail. not that i sit in my chair for days twiddling my thumbs or anything, but i'm seriously beginning to think that i smell or something. and where are all my friends that said they would visit this summer? where are you huh?! i know you're reading this. i'm still up. come here. now.

whoa. there is someone approaching my house... bum? BUM! ahHHHHhhhHH!!