Dear dudes,
Hi! I realize that it can be difficult to maneuver through this world with those things dangling between your legs. I can only imagine the pain & agony that they cause you. I definitely wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but may I make a small, teeny tiny suggestion? When you're in public, please refrain from touching yourself every 30 seconds. I know I know! You've got adjustments to make & whatnot but come on. Must you do it continuously? If you've got the itchies down there then I suggest a nice powder of some sort, or check with your doctor to see if you've got the latest creepy crawly going around and see if it's crawling around on your balls. Just do us all a favor and stop grabbing yourself. It's in poor taste and to be honest it creeps me the fuck out.
Now I know that some people just have a tick of some sorts. Some people blink a lot while others might bark at total strangers. Hey - whatever floats your boat, man! But it may be considered "bad taste" to sit in an office and grab at your genitals every 45 seconds or so and then try to shake my hand afterwards. Not cool, dude. Because after I sat there and watched you touch yourself numerous times, the last thing I really feel like doing is shaking your hand. You can just keep that hand to yourself as well as whatever the hell it is that is crawling around your nuts.
Thanks so much.
Love always,
Av
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6 comments:
hater.
Amen, sister! :) True story: My Honors physics teacher in high school had that same "tick"/creepy crawly/etc. Brilliant man, but I couldn't focus on the lecture when he was constantly tapping his pepe. And this was EVERY day... to the point where he'd have chalk dust on the groin area of his pants as trace evidence of his hand having tapped there numerous times. Someone TALLIED it on Day 2 of class- I believe the total was something like 8 times in a 50 min. class period! I quickly dropped the class and became a chem lab assistant instead. I may not have learned physics in depth, but I also saved myself from a year of persistent package adjustment spectating! (postscript: this same teacher, a few years later, strolled into the school building carrying an AIR RIFLE--for a demo--in plain site as students were being dropped off by parents... AFTER Columbine. Needless to say, parents called 911, and a SWAT team was surrounding our school within minutes. My sister got the day off of school. --Wish I were kidding.) So yes, gentlemen... heed this public service announcement and stop creeping out the general public. And honestly, "Big Jim & the twins" will not just walk away at will, so you don't have to touch them every 30 seconds to ensure that they're still attached. Thanks for your time. :)
HAHAHAHHAHA! WHAT inspired this PSA?!
oh butta, i can't wait to see you in chicago! let's celebrate our becoming 3Ls when you get here (i'm thinking lots of wine, cheese, and an acoustic guitar).
I just called you! Are you in Chicago yet or are you still in Ann Arbor? We're going out for beer and pizza tonight!
hi big apple,
you must be in the middle of exams cause i called you 8 times and haven't heard from you. either that or you're having entirely too much sex, which is also likely.
i'm coming home from residency hell next weekend to visit dad. what say you? wanna go out on the town like old times aka royal oak motorcycle adventures.
i already know the answer. see you then.
why do i always leave you email-length messages?
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