smooth like butta

there is a nickname i have. it is, and has been for over 8 years, "butta." indeed, upon arriving at the university of michigan, i was given the unfortunate email address of bhatt + a, yielding bhatta. it was sad.

i did not like bhatta. it wasn't my last name. it certainly wasn't my first. it might have been okay if it'd been abhatt, but no. i had no choice in the matter - the university had spoken.

from the very beginning, the difficulty of having a strange email address permeated my social life. when meeting other attractive, sporting, 18-year-old males, perfectly normal conversations would become awkward or fizzle into oblivion:

hot male: great to meet you. let's get together some time. what's your email?
me: oh, it's b-h-a-t-t-a
hot male: hm... that's hard to remember... maybe we should write it down
me: i don't have a pen...
hot male: oh i'll go get one... [exits, never to return]

while it's true that most of these boys simply walked away because they just wanted to get laid, it still proves my point: boys suck... i mean, my email address was frustratingly difficult to remember. hence was born the phrase, "butta."

it was easy. when asked, "what's your email address?" i simply responded, "it's bhatta. you know, smooth like butta." oh my god i was so funny. and catchy. and people liked it, gosh darn it. and it stuck for years and years, so much so that many of my friends continue to call me "butta" to this very day.

so, it is with great sadness that i say goodbye to bhatta and say hello to gmail. i'm okay. at least, i think i will be. but if you feel like sending me flowers to help me cope, that'd be nice. thanks in advance.

<3,
butta